A life to celebrate

[Written on May 24, 2007]

When I heard about the passing away of our maternal grand father, my first reaction was: "His time has come. He has lived a good, long life. Ninety years is a good age to have seen all the good and bad." But, I couldn't stop just at that. I just couldn't stop thinking about the time - the quality time - I had spent with him as an infant, as a toddler and as a grown up. There were times I would pee in my pants hearing the very voice of him. There were times I thought him as a great patriarch who put his priorities right.

Even under penury, he managed to educate his three daughters - when those were the times to get the girls married off once they reached the physical maturity. The number of trials and tribulations he had gone through to give a better life for his children – today, we the grand children are enjoying the fruits of his labor. He was a tough man, not only to others but to himself as well. His sense of discipline and honor, sense of justice, did make him a man to be feared of his times. He never appreciated his wonderful wife when she was alive, but ironically, the only time he ever shed a drop of tear in his life was when she passed away.

“Ayyar Sami is in the block. Hide the playing cards,” was the phrase I got used to while growing up in Madurai . He had the distinction of scaring the whole block with his mere presence. I, myself, was in those situations trying to hide the cards from him. Cigarette smoking: No. Alcohol: A Big No. Letting matured boys in the vicinity of the girls: A very BIG NO. When I was young, I thought he was one of the fun spoilers who threw the wrench at everything. But, later did I realize what could have been my life had he not instilled that loathe or disrespect in me for the bad things. He had a good sense of reasoning and he was always right.

Nay sayers might say, he never financially did well in his life. It’s true that he tried his chances in the field that might not have been the one that suited him the best. His ambition to run business on his own never resulted in a steady job. Here is my answer to them: living rich is different from living wealthy. The wealth of knowledge, the wisdom and the courage he showed when he was in dire straights – in my opinion - is richer than the millions of dollars. He tried all his hands, but never forgetting that his children and his family were his primary assets.

Being the first grand child gave me a lot of privilege – the privilege to see the grand parents in their prime. I still remember the days he used to take me, almost everyday in my infant days to the Meenakshi temple in the mornings where I had my own, private elephant statue at the south side entrance to sit on.

During my school days, he had the patience and the commitment to reply every letter I wrote to him. Tamil or English, he would patiently read through, correct the mistakes in red and send them back detailing the mistakes. There were times I had received the reply in nothing but read. He would always follow up with a good word of encouragement. That gave me the spirit to write more hoping to get a reply from him with no red marks at all. I think, I did manage to accomplish that once in a while. He had always wanted his grand children to show some interest, if not proficiency, in appreciating the Sanskrit language and the great scriptures. I remember the days where I used to hide away from his sight to avoid going with him to the Sahasranama recitals at SathSangam in Madurai . Thanks to the seed he had sown in me, I am still in touch with my roots.

I still remember the evenings he bought snacks (always poori) from his work. I used to make a visit just to have the snack. Fun days!

I spent a good deal of days looking for a job after I completed my collegiate education. I was desperate, discouraged and was having doubts on myself. At that time, every step of mine – no matter taking on higher studies or looking for jobs, it always ended with frustration on my part. Fortunately for me, he was with me at Bangalore . Day in and out, he quoted GITA consoling me that what I was going through was just a test to my strength and it was minuscule when compared to what he went through when he was growing up. He was there for me every moment! Thanks to his blessings and all the lucky heavens, now I have a good job and a good life. But, I will never forget those 6 months I spent with him.

For my wedding, he initially thought of not attending it citing health reasons. My wedding, as you all know was in Chennai and he was in Bangalore at that time. I just wrote him a letter stating how important it was for me to make the next step in my life in his presence. He not only attended the wedding, but he made me more joyous by saying that my letter made him change his decision. A few months back, in the December of 2006, when I met him he not only recognized me but to my surprise showed the hard copy of that letter I had sent him 8 years back! Now, I gloat myself: If could move this tough soul with one single letter – which was inspired by the encouragement he had instilled in me - I could to a lot better things to this world with my writings.

Never was a day I saw him go to the doctor, or complain about health. His diet, his physical routine – was way advanced to the people of his time. He always stayed active, right from working hard on overseeing the construction of our Ram Nagar house to dropping Ramji to the school everyday in his bike. Seeing how active he used to be, I thank God for making him not conscious about himself in his final days, when the aging process had taken a huge tool on his body. Otherwise, he would have been crushed to see his final days go the way he never wanted it to be.

In the winter of 2001, when I was visiting India he was diagnosed with a small problem which they suspected could be serious. Luckily, it just turned out to be something to do with the digestion. But, before they ruled it out, I just being selfish, prayed for one thing: “God, give my first child the blessings of this wonderful man. Don’t take him away soon.”

He lived for six more years, blessing 3 great grand kids during that time.

He wanted not only his children, but his whole lineage to cherish our ancestry, be respectful to our culture and be truthful to the GITA. Never a time he forgot to quote from GITA about the good and the bad, how to become nonchalant towards life and at the same time being passionate about who you are and, who you want to be. For everything, he derived his strength and knowledge from the Bhagavatham and the GITA. Over the years, towards his end, he was weak only physically; nothing could ever destroy the very spirit he had.

Having known him for my entire life, it's hard not to quote the GITA to glorify Him.

Gita: Chapter II (Sankhayoga) - Verse 27

For in that case the death of him who is born is certain; and the rebirth of him who is dead is inevitable. It does not, therefore, behove you to grieve over an inevitable event.

Gita: Chapter II (Sankhayoga) - Verse 28

Arjuna, all beings were unmanifest before they were born, and will become unmanifest again when they are dead; they are manifest only in the intermediate stage. What occasion, then, for lamentation?

Gita: Chapter II (Sankhayoga) - Verse 30

Arjuna, this soul residing in the bodies of all can never be slain; therefore, it does not behove you to grieve for any being.

Well, I remember the line from the movie Anand where the character of Rajesh Khanna says, "Babu Moshai, zindagi Badi Hone chahiye, Lambi nahin".

Contrastingly, he not only lived a long life, but a big one too. Like what he wanted me to be, I will neither lament nor grieve, but I would rather feel happy for him for being a part of 35 years of my life.

If I had made you shed a single drop of tear on reading this eulogy, I know had made Him more proud.